Why Am I Here?

I'm positive that everyone asks themselves that question tons of times throughout their lives. 

Well, I've been asking myself that the whole time I've been here in Louisiana. Why here? Why was my externship cancelled for Florida? I could be lounging on the beach on Amelia Island right now at the Ritz-Carlton, but I'm here instead. I accepted the change, adapted and dealt with it.

I joined a ladies bible study at the church in my neighborhood and we are going through a book called "Experiencing God" with a scary Moses-lookin' guy on the cover. It's about knowing and doing the will of God. In the section we're covering right now, we're learning about how adjustments are necessary. This is what comes to mind:

A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" 

"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good - except God alone. You know the Commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"

"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God."

(Luke 18:18-23)

The ruler needed to make adjustments to his life and instead his response was to not take action. I learned that I cannot stay where I am and go with God. It is one thing to say, "Hey God, sure I'll go where you need me, just say the word and I'm there!" and another thing to actually do it - faith demonstrated by action.

Lots of my friends are missonaries or have gone on various missions. I myself have never felt like I possessed the spirit of evangelism. I don't want to push my faith on anyone. I don't believe that's what my friends are doing, but I myself have never felt "called" to go on a mission somewhere. I love praying for them and helping them financially when I can. I just don't feel like God has ever wanted me to go anywhere to share who he is.

Sometimes I've wondered why I'm in the industry I'm in. The restaurant industry can be dark and corrupt and dirty. Very dirty. Totally opposite of me! The problems of alcoholism and drugs are real. And I have never heard so much swearing as I have in the kitchen I'm currently in. I see no sense in it at all; it sounds uneducated and vulgar of course. I can't even support swearing when you get hurt or mess up or get angry about something. It's just senseless. Then you have the swearing for absolutely no reason. The other day I had some extra time so I asked one of the chefs if I could help him with anything. Here's what our conversation was like:

Chef: Sure! Here, can you chop up this garlic for me?

Aubs: Of course, how small do you want it?

Chef: Just chopped pretty small but not minced or anything.

- I go about chopping it up carefully. He comes over and says:

Chef: Oh no need to be all precise about it. Just chop the s*** out of it.

Aubs: Ooookay.

Hmm. I didn't know that garlic had bodily functions. Call me when you see that happen! It's hard to keep a clean head when that's all I hear all day. Of course I don't want to talk like that.

So I've often wondered why God put this passion in my heart for food and why I end up in places like this. Restaurant S just happened to be actively seeking for externs when I needed a place. They paid well, sounded like a good growth opportunity, and I'd never been to New Orleans. I jumped with both feet in. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I try to go where God wants me when I can. It's not always clear. New York? New Orleans? Plenty darker than Hawai'i. I just try to be me. To show my faith by my actions and the way I choose to live. I know that people can see God in me. I'm definitely different. I just leave it up to them to ask why. Then I feel free to talk about it with them.

I smell rice! Dinner's ready.